I have noticed over the last couple of years that there are a lot of people talking about “Kingdom Spouses” and “Kingdom Marriages”, and ironically, I found these people as I searched for others who were experiencing similar circumstances as me. This was the first of many mistakes I made, but also a common one.

Humans have a propensity to search out information that solidifies beliefs that we have already decided are true. Then when we find that information, we affirm that we are correct and it becomes increasingly difficult to unlearn that behavior. In the study of human minds, this is called Confirmation Bias.

This is relevant because in the case of a person who is praying for another individual that they love romantically, they adopt the idea that God has brought them together and they hold onto the promise in scripture that “whatever God joins together, let no man separate.” (Mark 10:9) In some cases the romantic involvement has become so intense that your mind will create a fantasy, or even dreams, to “confirm” to you that what you are feeling and experiencing is from God, and therefore you must fight to protect it from being separated. I fell into this very trap myself, and it took a very long time, and perpetual heartbreak, to finally be prepared to hear the truth.

There is no doubt that God does plan for some people to come into our lives to accomplish certain purposes. There are divine appointments that occur which are incredibly powerful and will alter the trajectory of your life through inspiration and opportunities. And it is also true that Holy Spirit will show you things that have not happened yet, lead you into places and circumstances that you were previously unaware of, and give you inside information that nobody else possesses. However, there is only one passage of recorded scripture (that I am currently aware of. The only other account that might come close was when Samson had his parents arrange his marriage to a Philistine woman, and they opposed. Scripture records that this arrangement was actually “of the Lord”. And this didn’t work out well for Samson.) where God spoke to a man or woman about a person whom they were “meant” to marry. And in that one passage, it did not work out favorably AT ALL for the one who received the divine knowledge about their future spouse. This scripture is from the book of Hosea, and we reviewed that story earlier.

The first principle that you must grasp is that God does not violate His own written word. This means, if Holy Spirit speaks to you about a thing, it will always pass the “Wisdom Test”. Hosea did not have a bible to refer to when God spoke to him about Gomer. But Hosea did know the Pentateuch (the first five books of the Old Testament). And in this Jewish Law, Priests were not supposed to marry any woman who was known to be a prostitute, and we know that Gomer was. Hosea was not a priest, but he was a prophet who was anointed in Israel, so wouldn’t wisdom say that Hosea probably should not marry a prostitute, since he oversaw speaking for God to the King and the nation? That would probably be unwise.

In this case, I would make the argument that it was necessary for God to speak to Hosea about it because if the opportunity for him to marry Gomer had come up naturally, Hosea would have obviously referred to the Jewish Law, reasoned it to be unwise, and moved on. So God intervened and gave Hosea an instruction.

In our day, not only do we have the same Jewish Law in our bibles, we also have books like Proverbs, which speak extensively about staying away from adulterous people. Hosea did not have that. In the full counsel of the bible, it also never states that we must marry a particular spouse in order for our Kingdom purpose to be accomplished. Your destiny is never tied to the choices of another human being; if another human was in charge of your purpose being fulfilled, then they would be God. Yes, there are many, many accounts in the bible of married couples accomplishing great things for God and His Kingdom. But all of these couples were in the process of obeying God in their own lives when they met each other.

Part of the issue is our culture has taught us that we are supposed to find “the right one”. But in the bible, all the emphasis is actually on being the right one.

The second principle is about our misunderstanding of what a “prodigal” is. I have seen people break up and the one believer in the relationship declares their ex-partner to be a “prodigal”. But what does Luke 15 say about the prodigal son? First off, he was a son, meaning he had a relationship with the father and lived in the fathers house. He knew the father, then chose to walk away from his fathers house. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I have been there. If you’re in a relationship with another person who is not saved and does not acknowledge God in their words and actions, and then they leave, they are not a prodigal. They had no relationship with the Father.

Likewise, if you are in a relationship with a saved person and they leave you, they are also not a prodigal. They did not walk away from God when they left you! This can actually be a reflection of how you have idolized them: you see them as your “god”, so you wish for them to see you that way. In your mind you would never leave them, because they have become your source, your reason for living, your greatest love, your “god”.

I don’t mean to beat you up over this, but I desperately needed this years ago, and I did not have anyone to tell me the hard stuff. Sure, there were plenty of people who instructed me to move on and that was never from God. But they could never tell me why! Well, I am here to break that thing off you if you have fallen in this trap. You do have an important assignment, and you do not have time to waste. If you do feel like you have wasted too much time, I promise you, God will restore all the years that you lost.

One final thing about this. The bible does not say that the devil is His enemy. The bible says that “the mind after the flesh is the enemy of God”, (Romans 8:7) When your mind is focused on your flesh, it fights against God. It can’t receive anything from God. But a mind led by the Spirit is life and peace. So when a preacher starts talking about money and how you should give, your mind might immediately start fighting that word, because your mind is being led by your flesh. The bible says to give is how you start a cycle so that you can receive more and then give more. So that preacher is speaking that word trying to bless you, and your flesh is fighting against it, because it is the enemy of God. I say that to say that our flesh is very powerful, and it is a cruel master. Jeremiah 17:9 says that your heart is desperately wicked and deceitful. I know what it is like to hold onto something so tight because you know that you know that it had to be God, there were just too many signs. I understand. It is hard to see, but that is the first sign that you have made that person into an idol. You are holding on so tight that even if God were to speak in your ear right now, you still might not let go. But He will have no other gods before Him. And I hope you will carefully consider the possibility that you are fighting to hold onto something that He desires for you to let go. And the good news is, if He is asking you to let that person go, it is only because He has something better.