By now you have probably searched far and wide for information and testimonies and for wisdom on this journey, and you have undoubtedly seen references to the bible story of “The Prodigal Son”. You have read it and studied it and have daydreamed about the moment that your loved one finally comes back home. We have all at some point been waiting for that special moment, to the point that we keep our eyes on our driveways and on our phones and email. When I began writing the first draft of this survival guide, I had been praying for three years for my loved one who was addicted. At that time it had been almost two years since I had seen her face. She would call and basically check in every six months or so, and I would get to talk to her for a few weeks, and then she would disappear again without any explanation.

During year three, I began to experience a tangible peace about the entire situation that I was not able to explain. It was a peace beyond any understanding, despite the circumstances. That season of indescribable peace provoked me into an internal confrontation: Would I still have this peace if she never came home? That had been the most exhausting three years of my life (at that point) and I desperately needed something to break. I was willing to accept either a green light for reconciliation of the relationship, or a green light to release me so I could move on. At that moment I had to evaluate my beliefs and examine how my relationship with God would be affected if my loved one never received healing or deliverance, or if none of my prayers were ever answered.

We have all hoped for a happy ending to our stories, but is that a guarantee? Is there any part of the story of The Prodigal Son in Luke 15 that promises every loved one will be healed, or every addict will be delivered? Be sure, there are promises in scripture that we should stand on about our families and restoration. Scripture is God’s perfect will and demonstrates to us how He has designed things to operate. However, scripture also states His original intent: For us to have dominion. Originally that dominion was forfeited by Adam, but restored by Jesus (The Last Adam). God is the architect, and we are the builders of His designs. Just because an architect produces a perfect plan does not mean the builders will follow that plan. And God has certainly not given any person the right to interfere with another’s free will. In fact, the bible calls that “witchcraft”. To attempt to enforce your will over the will of another in prayer is called “strange fire” (Leviticus 10:1-2). I will talk about that in another chapter.

This chapter is not intended to be a cop-out or your sign from heaven that God is releasing you from your assignment. But you are designed to remain in a consistent state of surrender, acknowledging that our King has the right to change your direction at any time and without any explanation. It has been my personal experience that God is not big on details. He will show you the end of a thing, and you will see where you currently are, but between the two points is called “process” and you don’t always get to know about that.

The fact is, most of this journey you are on is not about your loved one, it is about you. The last seven years of my life have been a roller coaster ride adventure, and He has been by my side every step of the way. He has used my loved one as a hammer and chisel, knocking off every rough edge of my soul and shaping me into what I was designed to be, and it all happened without my loved one even knowing what was happening. My relationship with the King is the most precious and fulfilling part of my life and there is no way I would have made it this far without Him.

When I wrote this during year three, I reached a new level in my spirit when I made up my mind that I would still follow and trust Him even if she never came home. Even if I never got to see a single piece of fruit from any of my prayers, it would not hurt my relationship with Him. Would I have all kinds of questions? No doubt. Would I turn my back on every encounter I had with Him along the way? No way. If you will make that the goal and rule of each day of your journey, you will win either way.